Dark yet Lovely.

(Source: crystalolaguer, via communityforchrist)

(Source: edgar-8223, via humblesparkle)

Happy New Year! :D 

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The gospel was drilled into me by the dry ranks of seminary. I learned it in a scholarly, theological, and academic setting. Part of that broke me, in a bad way. Because I embraced it logically.

But the Gospel is not logical. Smart bloggers who steep their minds in rich toxic theology forget about humanity, the struggle, the sweat, blood, tears, Jesus. It’s become a weapon, blunt force trauma or sniper rifle. I’m no better.

I just want grace, and to preach it with joy. To know I am loved, and that there is nothing better than to love Jesus. Loosened by love. Sharpened by discipline. Rocked by grace. It’s not logical. The cross assaults me better than doctrine ever could.

(via jspark3000)

spiritualinspiration

 there is so much I want to say to God but I don’ t know how to say it sometimes. 

Justin McRoberts - Trust You

(Source: jiyooon)

Prayed through Psalm 37 before bed this morning and this stumbled me a little…

Trust in him and he will act. Psalm 37:5b

 To be honest with myself, I do not trust him and I do not trust in anything right now but my insecurities. Therefore, I do not believe God is going to act. But, I am praying heavenly father you will change my heart. My heart’s desire is to have faith in my heart not engulfing the knowledge of God or practicing moralism. I am a saint with issues. I lack compassion for others, I am self-conscious, i am self-righteous, I hate men, I dislike my past, I’m a sluggard, I pity myself, the list can go on. 

But, I rather suggest that its better to be honest with God. Honesty is the best policy. God knows my heart better than anyone (Oh boy something to trust in!). He knows the wickedness that lives in me and seeks to shine his light through the darkness and void. It’s better for me to repent than to defend or rationalize my sin. You know when you go in detail trying to battle with God. Trying to convince him that your understanding is higher than his. Funny right? All day long I tried to rationalize my self pity by blaming my past and my christian friends. I am so flawed for blaming the people God has placed in my life to  direct me to Christ. The very small understanding we have is created by him. It can never fathom his understanding. I know I know this is true because the bible says it so so what am I waiting for? Why am I rationalizing? What stops us from humbling ourselves? 

PRIDE. 

Wasted week.

I am only human. I tend to forget that I am not smarter than God. I am not the way, the life or the truth. I should not act as if I know the way, the life and the truth because Jesus you meet the defintion. This week was filled with waywardness and sluggardness. Honestly, I have felt so sick mentally, physically and spirtually. I literally crawled into an hole to hide from everyone I know and including God. Food and Television became my masters this week.  I know I am forgiven because I am forgiven everytime I ask but my heart feels vancant of  God’s mercy. I know I cannot do anything to fill up that belief in my heart. Sin is so ugly and so deadly yet gulit and shame is self- imposed leaving an gap between me and my beloved. I need to get over myself. When we sit in shame and gulit, we put ourselves on the throne of God, judging ourselves. However, we should  never replace God on the throne because we are not like him. He is great and so merciful. Oh, heart start believing. Oh, God help my heart believe.

Help me with my unbelief. 

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)